Last year I wrote a post about parties being overrated. You want to know another “p” word that’s overrated? Prom. Now for a girl who loves satin, tulle, heels, jewelry, bling, and hair as much as I do, you’d think prom would be right up my alley. I mean, in theory, it really is a fun concept. High school kids getting all dressed up with their friends to eat at fancy restaurants, ride in swanky limos, and party and dance the night away for one special evening. It’s one of the last big moments of the school year where everybody gets to come together for a similar purpose, and it’s especially important for seniors. In all, prom is kind of an American ritual, something you feel like you’re supposed do and enjoy, like eating hot dogs on the Fourth of July.
As a kid, I viewed prom as most little girls would. This magical night where you get all dolled up like a princess and have a ball. Being a ’90s teen movie fanatic didn’t help this obsession, either. All of those proms looked lit! I also remember watching the prom episode of That’s So Raven in the sixth grade and deciding I wanted a pink dress just like hers. But now that I’m 22, I view prom as a joke. It’s that time of year where all of our social media threads are being drowned with over the top “promposals” and overly extravagant prom looks from teenagers. I can’t help but to cackle at a lot of these. What in the world do these kids think is so special about prom that they’re doing this:
And looking like this:
But I guess in today’s teenagers’ defense, they’re probably viewing prom the same way I once did. The night of all nights to be remembered forever. That’s why teens today, no matter how ridiculous, are going all out like in the examples above. So what has led to my opinion on prom being so jaded today? Experience.
Let’s start with my junior prom. I didn’t decide to officially go until about two weeks before it took place. Yes, you read that right. Two weeks. There were several times I seriously considered going before finally making up my mind, though. Like one Saturday while helping my cousin look for a dress for her own prom. She had waited until the last minute, too, and we spent the unusually hot March day riding around in her busted up Chevy that had no AC trying to find her a dress (gosh, those were the days!). Anyway, while helping her find a dress, I briefly thought that maybe it would be fun to actually go to prom myself. Then, for whatever reason, I thought against it again.
The main reason I finally decided to go was peer pressure. None of my friends were going, and then bam! Somewhere between mid-March everyone was finding dresses and making plans for the big night. I was like, “what is this? None of you were going last week! How fake!” The final straw was when my best friend went to Louisiana one weekend and randomly bought a dress, texting me a picture of it. Was I going to let my bestie go to prom and slay without me doing the same? No! Oh, to be sixteen and silly again. (side note: another small reason I decided to go to prom was pure vanity. I was on yearbook staff all four years of high school, and knew that only the previous year’s prom pictures made it into next year’s yearbook due to deadlines. Since I was a junior, I knew that the only way my picture could be on next year’s prom page was if I attended that year’s. So I went. And guess who designed the next year’s prom page? Me. Ridiculous? Very, but remember, sixteen and silly)
So here it was, two weeks before prom and I decided I was going to go. My mom couldn’t believe I had the nerve to try and find anything to wear that late, going as far as threatening to make me wear my Easter dress as a punishment. But like the amazing mother she is, we set out one Friday evening after school to find me a dress. We went to David’s Bridal. Now, for skinny girls, maybe waiting two weeks before prom to find a dress isn’t a big deal. I’m sure there are still plenty of cute options out there for them. But for plus-size girls like myself? N.O. This is especially true for me considering the fact that I was thirty pounds heavier in high school than I am now. So the first night of shopping was a disaster. Nothing fit right, and if it did, it was ugly. The saleslady finally got my suggested size and called the David’s Bridal on the other side of the city to see if they had any possible options for me. It was almost closing time for them, but they said they had one dress that they thought might work and promised to hold it for me so we could come and check it out in the morning. I might have been fat, but I deserved options, darn it! So we did.
When we got to the other store the next morning, the girl behind the counter pulled out a straight, black spaghetti-strapped dress that looked like a low budget bridesmaid dress from 1999. It screamed basic. I was stressed and emotional, so with that nagging little sting of almost-tears forming in my eyes, I shook my head and turned away. The salesgirl was probably thinking, “I know this fat little heifer didn’t” (I’m sure she thought worse than that, but we like to keep it classy at Black Girls Who Use Urban Dictionary Enterprises). My mom called out, “Don’t you at least want to try it on?” I don’t know if it was pure sixteen-year-old brat in me or the sheer determination that comes along with being an Aries, but I continued my stride away from them and decided that I was going to leave that store that day with a dress that I actually liked.
And I did. On my own, I found a black tulle dress with a sweetheart neckline and ruffled bottom that fit perfectly. In the next week I found perfect shoes and jewelry to match and wore my hair in ringlets of curls. I was adorable! So what went wrong? I’m not really sure. You know that saying that goes something like “the thing that messes us up the most is the idea we have of the way we think things should be?” Well, I think my idea of how prom night was supposed to go messed things up. It was fun and it was cool, but it wasn’t like those proms in the 90s movies I loved so much. It just didn’t measure up to my expectations. And if you’re going to bed at 11:38 pm on prom night, the night probably wasn’t that amazing. (my picture was on next year’s prom page, though!)
By senior year, with the previous year’s prom mishaps behind me, I was determined to avoid them and make this one even better. Well, the only way I can describe my senior prom is through a “DON’T” list:
- DON’T Order Your Dress Online, and if You Do, DON’T Do Your Own Measurements
Risky indeed. I decided to order my dress from a site called Rissy Roo’s. I chose an aqua/teal and dark blue multi-animal print strapless dress. Remember how I said I was thirty pounds heavier in high school than I am now? Yeah, AWFUL dress choice! Anyway, before I ordered the dress, I decided to get my measurements myself by using measurement tape. You know, the kind used to measure wood to build houses and stuff. I’m a person whose a big believer in personal accountability and owning up to one’s mistakes. I’ve done several dumb things in my life, and this one is definitely in my top five. The dress came in and was way too tight across the chest. This led to me having to take it to a seamstress to get the entire back of it redesigned just so it would fit. She added straps to it, which ended up breaking the day of prom as I was getting dressed. She also forgot to hem the outer chiffon layer of the dress, causing me to have to pick it up the entire night to keep from tripping. A tragic, tragic (yes, two tragics were necessary) disaster. That’s the only way I can describe it.
- DON’T Tell Your Hairdresser “Do Whatever You Want” When it Comes to Styling Your Hair
And it turned out pretty bad. While I was (for the most part) prepared in the dress department this time, I wasn’t in the hair department. My old hair stylist, whose name shall not be mentioned, had the worst customer service ever. You know those stereotypes about having to spend all day at black hair salons because they take forever? Well, this woman was the epitome of that. I can’t tell you the amounts of homework I got done, the books I finished reading, or the episodes of Family Feud I watched during the many times I waited on this woman to do my hair. There were several occasions when I had a 5:00 pm hair appointment and wouldn’t get under the dryer until 10:00 pm. Yes, it was that bad. So bad to the point that I didn’t even trust her to do my hair on the actual day of prom, so I opted for the Friday evening before. The point I’m trying to make is that even though I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my hair by the time of my appointment, I had plenty of time to look through the outdated hairstyle books in her waiting area while she took forever to start on my head. After about a three hour wait, I still didn’t know what I wanted, so I told her, “Do whatever you want.” She ended up giving me a perm and adding a single 15-inch track into my hair. I left with nothing but a basic, straight weave. It wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t good either and I couldn’t go to prom with my hair like that. While I was still hopeful:
This leads to my next DON’T.
- DON’T Let Your Mother Style Your Hair on the Day of Prom
- I didn’t want to go to prom with that long weave, so I had my mother take it out the next morning. I ended up having to wear my own hair, which she styled. It wasn’t that she did a bad job, it just wasn’t my vision! Not that I ever really had a vision to begin with, but I know that wasn’t it. After my dress and hair became a disaster, I didn’t even want to go to prom anymore. My mom and sister forced me, though. So off I went to my senior prom with a busted dress and basic hair and simply wanting the night to be over before it ever even began. I left about an hour and a half into it and went to Buffalo Wild Wings. Holla!
So, do I hate prom now because my own experiences weren’t that great? Partly, yes. But the other reason is because I’m now in the position where I can look back and understand how insignificant it is. When I see promposals and the amount of effort teens today put into their prom looks, I can’t help but to want to warn them that none of this will matter in five years. Now, am I hating on them because my proms sucked? No. I’m just wiser and care about educating the children. So, if you’re a teen whose prom sucked or you didn’t even bother to go, don’t trip. If you’re a teen who had an amazing prom and got your way and you’d do it all again next year, good for you! Bottom line is, do you. Because five years from now, it won’t even matter.
X’s and O’s,
JF
Black Girls Who Use Urban Dictionary 