I wasn’t going to write this, but it came out of me like lava. #BridesmaidsRef
Last time I talked about how music was one of my favorite things about summer. You want to know what else is? Reading. Being done with class and free for the summer means that I can finally devote my free time to reading material other than textbooks. I just finished the second book on my personal summer reading list. It’s called We Should Hang Out Sometime: Embarrassingly, a True Story by Josh Sundquist. The book gives an account of 25-year-old Sundquist finding himself single and tracking down all of his ex-girlfriends in order to figure out why. It was funny, relatable, and caused me to ask myself the same question: Why am I single?!
For some reason, I get asked this question all the time. Variations include:
- “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”
- “You seriously don’t have a boyfriend?” (I’ve been asked this twice. Once in a condescending tone and the other in the form of pity. I actually respected the condescending tone more than the pity)
- “What’s your fella’s name? Don’t lie to me!” (Because my aunt and other family members swear I’m in a secret relationship)
- “What’s your boyfriend’s name?” (Creepy guy who sucked at flirting)
So in a moment of self-searching, I decided to come up with possible reasons for why I’m single.
1. I’m Clueless
Last month during my birthday dinner, my sister randomly decided to take a personality test on her phone. You know, those Myers Briggs Tests that result in you being labeled as one of “the 16 personality types.” I took the test after her. Turns out I’m an INTJ, which is one of the rarest personality types and explains so much about my life. One of an INTJ’s major weaknesses is that we’re clueless in romance. I almost cackled when I read that because it’s so true. For example, around this time last year I was talking to this guy who was practically my boyfriend. Timehop, AKA the devil, reminded me of this. We were legit talking all day every day. It stopped, though, when I felt he was getting too serious. Looking back, he had every right to feel that way. We were pretty much together. He was aware, I was clueless, we died.
2. I’m Awkward
If I have a crush on you, when I’m around you I’m either:
- Shy and quiet
- Cold and standoffish
- A goofy buffoon
A case of me being number 3 happened sometime last summer. I work on the campus of my university. I had a crush on one of the guys who worked for campus mail and would make runs to our office. We never said more than “hi,” “bye,” “thank you,” and “have a good day/weekend” to each other, but I still had a weird kindergarten crush on him for some reason. Anyway, one day somebody (and curse whoever did this) put a piece of mail in our outgoing box to be delivered to another office. He didn’t know what building the person was in, so he asked me to look it up. He stood right over my shoulder as I began to look this person up. For some reason, my keyboard was on caps lock. I guess I got too nervous to reach over and turn it off because there I was, like an idiot, typing in all caps while Mail Guy I Had a Crush On stood over my shoulder trying not to laugh at me. QUEEN OF AWKWARD. Turns out he had a girlfriend, anyway. Whatever.
3. I’m a Homebody/Old Fashioned
I could seriously become a hermit at the ripe age of 22 and make it just fine. There is nothing like being in the comfort of my own home. Because humans kind of suck, ya know? However, this of course doesn’t help much in meeting a significant other. It’s not like somebody’s going to bulldoze my front door and go, “hey, I want to date you.” And I understand that online dating/apps are the new wave in meeting people, but I’m not about that life. Call me a sucker, but I still have this idea of accidentally hitting a dude’s basket in the grocery store and us falling in love over small talk while discussing ketchup brands. I watch too many movies.
4. I Have a Strong Personality
Being an Aries means that I’m assertive and have a strong sense of who I am (a quick aside about my relationship with astrology. I realize I talk a lot on here about being an Aries and how it influences my life. Do I believe in the traits that each star sign supposedly has? Heck yes! They’re totally accurate. Do I believe in horoscopes? No. Jesus plans my life). My Twitter handle isn’t soulnot4sale_ for nothing (not to mention it’s one of the realest Beyonce lines ever). However, this means I can be a tad uncompromising and maybe a little condescending at times. Case in point, my sophomore year of college I talked to this African guy. He was Liberian. I loved hearing him talk about his culture because I’ve always wanted to go to Africa ever since they traveled there on Cycle 4 of America’s Next Top Model (don’t judge my inspirations). I think the main reason we didn’t work out is due to culture clashing and an unwillingness to back down. He had his opinions and criticisms of Black Americans and I wasn’t about to let him diss my tribe. He didn’t believe in backing down and neither did I, so we were doomed from the jump.
5. I Don’t Care (Most of the Time)
I’m at an unintentionally selfish stage in my life right now. I’m getting ready to graduate college in December and am about to enter the most critical semester of my college career so far. I honestly don’t have time to look for or worry about not having a boyfriend because so many other things are currently occupying my time and mind. Yes, there are several times it sucks being single, but at 22 I can’t afford to trip over it too much because there is so much more to (my) life than that right now. So, I’m good. Now let me shut up before y’all accuse me of being bitter (which I’m totally not, by the way).
X’s and O’s,